Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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