I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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