He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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