If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
