I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
