i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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