Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
