So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
