1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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