I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
