I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
