you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
