My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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