I will die if light touches me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
