Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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