Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize