So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Let's paint friendship bongs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
