You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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