babies were throwing up all over the place
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
