It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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