I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
