i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
