omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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