Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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