I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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