is your mom at the bar?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
