Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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