glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
