I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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