um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
