I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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