Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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