Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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