Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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