I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
