I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
