You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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