I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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