You just made me feel so damn special
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
