Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
