so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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