i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
