in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
