NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
