I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
