how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
