what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
