mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
