I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
