Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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