How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
