I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
