I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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