i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's blow job season.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
