what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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