I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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