did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
