Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
