Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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