20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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