census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
