No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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