I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
