drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
