Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
