She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Watching her eat just hurts me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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