Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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