She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
