Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need moral support for this bender
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
