he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we're so committed to being not committed
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