You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
