My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
