I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize