The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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