Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the day after is always just damage control
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
