dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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