new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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