Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
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I understand Curling. That high.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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